With all of the local colleges in the Capital Region you would think being single is a choice, not an ailment. But, it can be. And, if you’re 60 years old and reading this, ugh, but I’m not in College? Small piece of advice: live a little.
And that brings us to the end of the week when we’re all wondering the same thing: where is the best place to locate desperate people with little-to-no standards? That’s a good question, and one I’ve chipping away at for the past twenty-four years.
Most people would say a club or a bar, specifically karaoke bars, but I’m going to stand against the wind on this one. A large majority of club-goers are just that, club-goers. For them, it’s not just fertile fantasy soil that it is to us. For them, the club-goers it’s part of their routine, if not all of it. In sum, it’s an opportunity to mooch off the bar-staff they have grown to know (and love?) and show off a new pair of shoes with funny laces or something. Think social club, just without the class.
Things don’t look to good for bars and clubs from an efficiency or statistics standpoint, either. For example, you like Bingo because you like to win things, right? You like money. But, that doesn’t mean you would compete against the National Bingo League and its 15,000 members for, say, $5. No, you take the ad-hoc game at a water-fountain with a person that doesn’t even know the rules of the game. The same applies for this low-brow dating that I speak of. That you go somewhere where the opposite or same sex will be in volume, does not translate to increased opportunity or chance for success. It just means you showed up to the NBA draft with a sign that says, “I want to play basketball.”
My advice? Pick a place where the numbers are in your favor. A place where you can come off as harmless, put-together, and maybe even established. Go for something non-traditional and hope the art of surprise works to your advantage. Proximity will matter, though. I mean, a tollbooth is a pretty non-traditional pick-up venue, but if you have your sights set on the lady-boy two cars back, it’s going to be tough to maneuver, even for a pro.
My suggestion for this week: the gas pump.
Going in for the 'Fonz'
It’s a warm summer day, you’re driving by the gas station and you see a few things that you like. Seize the moment, pull a U-turn. Don’t make a charade out of it – no screeching tires or curb hopping – just a casual, nonchalant ‘no-big-deal’ U-turn. If you have a comb on hand, pop that gem out of your breast pocket and run it through your ‘Fonz.’
Pull up. Check his or her car for a significant other. Tell her you saw her staring at you from two blocks away. That her gaze almost burned a hole in the back of your ‘Fonz,’ but you will forgive her this time, and only this time. Then, when she shoots the big question, “What the @#&$ is a Fonz,” wink, slip her a photoshopped business card, and tell her, “You’ll find out.”
Game on, friends.
